By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo, Copyright March 2008

(Author “My Friend Yu – The Prosperity Guide,” Copyright August 2007. Pantejo – Y.N. Vurce Publishing.)

“Prosperity: The eternal flow of all that’s excellent in life…”

*Below is the nineteenth episode based on a series of real life events experienced by the author. The only deviations from the certainty may be the names of people and places. These tales are also incorporated in “My Friend Yu – the Prosperity Guide: Book II,” Pantejo – Y.N. Vurce Publishing. Release Date: 2008.

The naïve customer (a self not savvy at “The Game” of Thai bars) doesn’t know the following: The main thing a Bar Girl sees when a man comes into their bar is the amount of dough signs he is competent of producing.

And, of course, Bar Girls are experts at helping customers part with their money!

This article is mainly for those courageous souls who, in spite of the discussions we had about Asian Bar Girl/Western Man Relationships in “Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (18)…,” still insist on having a serious relationship with a Bar Girl.

- A Blissful State -

Congratulations.

You believe that you have found a partner that likes you and makes you pleased. She is young, wonderful, sweet, and sexy – everything you could not find in your home country, right?

Sure, she is not perfect, especially in the foreign language and finance areas; but when you weighed the Pluses against the Minuses on Your Scale, the Scale tilted toward Obvious Compatibility.

- Devil’s Advocate -

Okay, now I got to be the a$$hole, the party-pooper, the spoiler, etc.

But I do this with essential empathy, my friend.

I do this because I don’t want you to end up as a statistic, one of the thousands of Farangs (Thai: foreigners) that reckon they’ve found the woman of their dreams, only to find out (in small order) that reality doesn’t match their idealized notions of co-habitation with an Asian woman.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but believe me, what I’ve got to say may:

1. Save you a lot of heartache, headaches, and bankruptcy.

2. Help you maintain (or improve) your current blissful state for as long as possible.

3. Raise some questions whose answers, but distasteful, will make you a wiser Farang in Thailand.

- Questions -

Where did you meet your Thai girlfriend/wife?

In a bar?

I question you this because the ole’ adage: “You can take the girl out of the bar, but you can’t take the bar out of the girl,” is a tried and right axiom.

The cruel fact is that there are only two times you can trust a Thai Bar Girl:

1) When she has just begun her career in the Bar Girl Profession and

2) When she is a bar-weary veteran, ready to retire.

All others are “in between” (i.e., still on “active duty,” practicing and perfecting their sex fascinate, schemes, and routines).

A mid-career Bar Girl in “The Game” is quite a sight to be seen, indeed.

She means to be a key player in “The Game” and will do anything to get the most money, as quick as she can, from the “customer pool – men”.

For these women, men are only regarded as: past customers, prospective customers, current cash cows, or merely toy/playthings that pay).

In their minds, men are certainly not: friends, lovers, non-paying boyfriends or husbands; in small, men are merely things, not real people with feelings, hopes, and desires).

Why is this so?

Although each Bar Girl is a unique individual, the following are common reasons. In part or parcel, these conditions contribute to their cut throat callousness – the “sharp teeth within their cute, wonderful smiles”:

1. Professional Objectivity (staying focused on making money previous to she gets too ancient and “unmarketable”).

2. Safeguard from scoundrels (yes, there are many terrible men out there).

3. A lack of “excellent men role models” in their lives. That is, most of the men they’ve seen throughout their lives were usually uneducated, bone idle, abusive, or unreliable, often disappearing for years to forever. This is common in the rural, poverty stricken areas “up country” – North Eastern Thailand.

4. Safeguard from life emotionally hurt. Since most foreigners come and go rapidly, it’s stupid for them to get emotionally attached.

5. The only support system they have is the Bar’s social network of fellow Bar Girls, Mamasans, clean-up boys, and “katoys” (Thai: transsexuals). Leaving the bar scene means venturing into scary, uncharted waters without her usual friends.

6. Most are uneducated, not attending or finishing High School. What would they do and where would they go if they left the bar?

7. They have tried (or simply dislike) regular “daytime jobs” and were disillusioned with the hard work and low pay. The bar scene is all they know. It can be fun. It’s simple – all one has to do is look pretty and entertain – AND certainly pays better.

It’s a system that swallows up thousands of “fresh from the farm” girls and spits out seasoned, “bar-tested” veterans.

- Right Like? -

A young serviceman friend of mine in Japan told me that the woman (an Asian woman) he met at a bar in the infamous “honch” area outside of Yokosuka U.S. Naval Base was truly in like with him.

He really considered asking her to marry him.

And he wanted some advice from “a salty dog” (meaning: me).

His naivety was awkward to observe.

In him, I saw a young version of myself, full of all the right motives, but without the where-with-all that only comes from years of schlepping in and out of Asian bars.

My response to him?

“Go back there and tell her you’re out of money. Better yet, tell her that you want to go in with her, but you need to borrow money until payday. Excellent luck, son. I’ll talk to you next week.”

Of course, he was singing a really different tune when I saw him a week later. He was very pissed-off and his comments about her were acidic, bordering on murderous.

I told him to chill out.

“Don’t’ take it private. A girl’s got’ta eat. Reckon of it this way: You’re mixing her business with your pleasure. If you really reckon it’s like, wait, wait, and wait! And for God’s sake always know where your valuables are!” I said.

I don’t’ know whether my words sunk in (or not) because I haven’t heard from him for over a decade now. I can only hope that my words prevented a few private disasters.

Ah, Bar Girls. I could go on and on about them.

They’re incredible. Aren’t they?

They’re terrible. Aren’t they?

- Some Advice: Take it or Leave it, Your Choice -

Since only a fraction of one percent of Asian Bar Girl/Western Man relationships succeed (usually because she is either a rookie or a ready-to-retire veteran), I will be submitting a small list of things to ponder at the end of this article.

If you met your “compatible partner” in a bar, I advise you to have a healthy paranoia.

Don’t go buying a car for her. Or even worse, a house in her name! (As ridiculous as this may sound, it happens frequently in Thailand).

In small, don’t go broke over her.

I have too many friends who have full out unsecured, private loans and maxed out their credit cards over Bar Girls who’ve long since disappeared.

In fact, I know of three individuals who came home from work to a lonely house or apartment. No furniture, refrigerator, TV, stereo, clothes, dishes, etc.! Everything was gone! Nothing, I mean nothing was left! My friends literally had to borrow money for food and sheets!

Best advice?

Just wait and watch.

It might sound like a prison sentence to you, but waiting and watching not only protects you from life ransacked; it also gives you time to observe her right character – in every light.

How long?

A excellent rule of thumb, if she says she’s new, is at least triple the time she “says” she’s been working in the bar. Of course, you may by no means know the right part of her Bar Girl career; so it’s a safe bet to assume whatever she tells you about it is a “low-ball” lie.

If she’s a veteran, waiting at least 18-24 months is a conservative time span to consider.

Patience and wariness will preclude much of the emotional turmoil and financial catastrophes so commonly found among “ex” Asian Bar Girl/Western Man relationships.

Additionally, if she is (or looks) older than 20, look for the following hallmark signs of veteran Bar Girls:

1. Nocturnal living. Even after months with you, she can’t get out of bed until 1:30-3:30PM. In fact, getting up early to see the sunlight gives her a furious headache. Also, she will show the demeanor of a vampire that has been violently disturbed from her cryptic slumber.

2. She is a total slob (worse than Oscar from “The Odd Couple”) and can’t cook – even a piece of toast – because she’s too used to hotel cleaning staff, room service, restaurants, and 7-11 “cup noodles”.

3. She appears to have very few belongings. Why? They are strewn about her co-workers apartments or “ex” boyfriend’s places. Bar Girls are like gypsies; they are experts at making hasty get-aways.

4. She’s a spendthrift. Forget “like water through her fingers,” “air” is more like it! The cost of her “daily needs” straightforwardly surpass the normal, daily salary of any hardworking, college-educated, Thai worker.

5. In spite of no formal schooling (i.e., a university degree or night English education at a Foreign language School), she suspiciously speaks above-average English.

6. She disappears at a moment’s notice for hours and her explanation upon returning doesn’t hold water (a blatant lie).

7. She can drink you under the table.

8. You find drug paraphernalia.

9. She always desires to include “her friends” in everything that you two do. In fact, she will always choose time with her Bar Girl comrades over any time alone with you. Her overdependence on (and lavish affection for) her girlfriends will have you wondering if she is really a bi-sexual. (And I know what you’re thinking. No, she is not a bi-sexual who likes to impart!).

10. She’s constantly on the phone at odd hours with her “family,” especially the male members of her “family”.

If the margin of the above items clarify your current partner, she is probably not in the “newbie” Bar Girl category: and therefore, should not be trusted without a long (a very long) trial period.

Sorry to be so frank; but I must humbly confess that I’ve “been there and done that, mate”.

Again, when in doubt, wait, observe, and for God’s sake, protect yourself.

Did you hear me?

I said, “Wait. Observe. Then wait and observe some more.”

After that, you can make up your own mind based on your own real life, “hard-knocks” encounter.

Nonstop in “Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (20): Maintaining and Improving your Excellent Tilt.”

“Until next time, find ‘The Flow’ and jump in!”

Your Friend in this Intrepid Journey called Life,

Carl “J.C.” Pantejo

Farang, Asia, compatible, relationship, bar girl, sex, pluses, minuses, advice, wait, watch, scale, needs, desires.

Note: If you want to read more about Asian and Western cultural differences, finding unconditional like, exorcising past private demons, and the Illusive Surprise of Happiness, please read the following articles:

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’: From Heartbreak to Happiness”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (2): Coincidence or Synchronicity: FROM RELAPSE TO MIRACLES…”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (3): LOST AND FOUND – Kindred Spirits and Mistakes made in Haste.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (4): LOST AND FOUND – Predestined to Be?”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (5): “The Stray”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (6): “New Beginnings, Ancient Endings”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (7) – Living Well? Farangs and Finance: The Myth”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (8) Living Well? Farangs and Finance: The Reality, Stupidity, and Hard Knocks.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (9): New Girlfriend, New Life.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (10): Farangs and Asians – Polarized Views.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (11) – Farangs: In (or taking into account) a long-term Western/Asian Relationship? Read This Now!

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (12) – Farang: Square Peg, Round Hole? Compatibility Issues.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (13) – Farang: Compatibility Issues II”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (14) – Farang: Tipping the Scales. Excellent or Terrible?”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (15) – Farang: Interpretation of Your Results.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (16) – Farang: Make Your Scale Sway or Walk Away.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (17) – Farang: Further Interpretation. Lopsided Scales.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (18): A Excellent Tilt with a Bar Girl?”

“How Dare She! Out of Desperation I Learned How to Forgive”

“Remember Who You Are!”

“Need to Heal Your Broken Heart? Read on. Overcome Heartbreak and Learn the Illusive Surprise of Happiness.”

(By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo and published internet-wide, keyword: [title of article] or “Carl Pantejo”)

Pantejo@ynvurcepublishing.com

Many foreigners have come to Ukraine for business but have fallen in like with someone and have stayed for longer. What are excellent topics for conversation for your first date and what will guarantee you second?

Young Ukraine ladies are open minded, well educated and their charm is hard to resist. They have interests in many areas: from social position, biased opinion, knowledge in economy and of course, they are ladies and are interested in fashion and celebrities.

They are curious towards foreigners because they know that these people have lived abroad and have new and different points of view which might broaden their own universe and give them new thoughts and knowledge.

It is not hard to start informal conversation with a girl from Ukraine; the challenge comes when you want to question her for a date. These young ladies are careful regarding the relationships they have. There are many reasons for this and the most vital one is public opinion. They have been taught that a woman has a high value but not speaking in monetary aspect, but regarding efforts for her attention. In their country, women who start a relationship from the very first “Hello” do not have a excellent public image. This is especially right for the small regions where everyone knows every self and everything new is accepted with a suspicion.

Excellent topics for conversation during the first date are your interests. The more you question and impart, the better you will know each other. Ukraine girls are not shy but on the first date everyone feels a modest nervous and uneasy. Your best strategy will be to impart something about your parents and childhood. Family plays an vital role in local people’s life and if you tell something about yours this will bring your cultures a modest closer.

Most young women in Ukraine speak at least one foreign foreign language fluently. Most of them have considered English in school or have full extra courses. Even if they speak with an accent, what they really need is more do. They will delight in chatting to everyone with whom they can place into do their foreign foreign language knowledge.

One of the topics which to certain extent is not excellent to discuss during your first date, is the biased situation in Ukraine as well as the ancient communist regime. The country was part of the Soviet Union but since December 1991 it is a completely self-determining country. Most people delight in life citizens of Ukraine and not to be place under the flag of Russia.

Another picky topic is the Chernobyl nuclear accident. It left devastation and ruined the life of many. It is said that radiation is still having an effect on these lands and Ukrainians rarely want to discuss this.

If you make your date laugh and feel confident with you, be sure that you will have chance to invite her for a second date and eventually your relationship will grow more serious.

Telltale amusing tales from your life is always a excellent strategy. Also impart memories from childhood, because it is often considered that this is one of the most intimate periods in man’s life. This will reveal your past and your date from Ukraine will not remain there thinking that you only want to get advantage of her.

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Meeting members of the opposite sex in Japan is usually not a complicated process, as more often than not the nature of the job, whether it be a businessman or English instructor, will bring you into contact with Japanese in the workplace who want to get to know you better outside of the office or school. English instructors in particular have an advantage in watch to life able meet Japanese, as many students will let you know indirectly if they are interested in establishing a relationship beyond the classroom, and depending on the school’s plot toward dating students it’s quite simple to meet at a later date for dinner or a drink. For those who don’t want to mix business with romance, one of the best alternatives to meeting Japanese are the many salsa schools that have recently become well loved in Japan. Women in these education usually out number the men, and the lively atmosphere makes it relatively simple to meet someone looking for a dance partner. Yoga education are also gaining popularity in Japan for both men and women, and are another possibility for meeting people who impart the same interests.

For those looking for a more mainstream approach, the large number of gaijin bars that are frequented by both Japanese women and men in suspense to meet foreigners are one of the most well loved choices, but keep in mind there are usually more foreigners than Japanese present, and the competition can often be fierce. Another method of bringing Japanese and foreigners collectively are “International Parties” that are often advertised in magazines and newspapers. For a set fee of approximately 5,000 yen you’re able to attend a prearranged party in a restaurant or lounge where you have an opportunity to come collectively with others interested in cultural exchange. In a similar venue are international hiking clubs that are now a well loved form of meeting people, as most day hikes in the countryside are arranged with an equal number of men and women in mind. Sport clubs still fascinate to many people who hope to meet others between workout sets, and the recent influx of Starbucks coffee shops in Japan are usually packed with Japanese women and men who are alone and receptive to conversation.

It’s hard to discuss cross cultural differences without making generalizations that may or may not be right as each case is different, but for the most part Japanese are usually approachable in a social setting even if they appear to be a bit shy or reticent at first meeting. Foreigners who speak Japanese well are obviously going to have an advantage over those whose foreign language skills are limited, and many relationships in Japan fall to the wayside eventually because of this lack of communication. Though mutual attraction is sometimes enough to keep a couple collectively, those looking long term usually have a better chance of success if one or both partners can speak the other’s native foreign language well. As is the case in most Asian countries, age difference between men and women in Japan is not looked upon as an issue, and you often see couples collectively whose presence would no doubt turn heads in other parts of the world.

The Japanese view of sex is also quite different from that of the west, and they usually approach it with a more relaxed attitude, as can be witnessed by the large number of “Like Hotels” found in all major cities of Japan which provide a temporary haven for couples in need of privacy. This cavalier attitude can also sometimes be confusing for foreigners, who after becoming infatuated after the first or second date will suddenly find their email and phone messages going unanswered. Though certainly not pleasant for the ego, once it’s understood the Japanese are uncomfortable with direct confrontation and this is their way of letting you and themselves off the hook, it’s usually a bit simpler to comprehend and accept. This approach often pertains to long term relationships as well, and there have been many foreigners who after years of life in a relationship suddenly found themselves in the cold for no apparent reason and with no explanation forthcoming. Society’s view of international relationships in Japan seems to be that of resigned acceptance, but don’t be surprised if there is resistance on the part of many Japanese parents in watch to their son or daughter marrying a foreigner. Although this attitude has gradually begun to change over the years, most traditional Japanese still want their children to marry Japanese.